Smells Like Teen Spirit

Today I got screwed once again by bureaucracy. After Tuesday’s rescheduling, my interview was re-rescheduled again this morning. That’s nothing new, really; nor was it new my frustration at the whole situation. However after the initial and inevitable anger outburst, I realized that it was yet another instance of a recent trend: life throwing at me shit that I can do absolutely nothing about. Probably the trend was always there and I never paid attention to it, I don’t know. Also, I am aware that as disrupting and annoying as this whole thing is, nothing of what is happening is really fuck-you-over-forever serious, that I have to admit. Nevertheless all of it is unnecessary, random, fruitless, frustrating… and the worst is that ultimately I am pretty much helpless in the face of it.

It all started with my fall and nasty injury, of course. The beginning of my little big ordeal. But many other small misfortunes followed through: almost failed hunt for a doctor who was not on vacation, cleaning lady getting pneumonia when I need her the most, many friends going on vacation for Christmas, mistaking the date of my doctor’s appointment… all the way to today’s ridiculous incident.

So is life trying to teach me something? I hope not, I am a terrible pupil. More than mystical I am kind of superstitious. Or, putting it in nicer words, I still have in me a little magical thinking left -thanks grandma: indeed by writing this I’m somehow trying to conjure away this stupid chain of events.

But as much as I have never gotten the mystical, stoic or whatever “wise” approaches to life (sorry for patience and resignation, I’m a proud whiner) I must say that this afternoon I kind of embraced the whole thing. Breathed in, breathed out. Twenty phone calls later I had redone the logistics and it was fine. And I truly felt better, I wasn’t angry. I know, I’m surprised too. Am I getting enlightened? That would be scary. The only nirvana I know of is the overvalued grunge band. But working, it did. Om mani padme hum.